Saturday, February 26, 2011

gandhi lied

I had to snicker when I stumbled across this quote the other day:

"A man is but the product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes."

I call BS on that, Gandhi! How do I know this is a lie? All I've been able to do lately is THINK about running and I'm no closer to becoming an actual runner.

WARNING: If you like coherent thoughts and well-written content, I suggest you read no further. Here comes a totally random and disjointed rant. It will be written in a stream-of-consciousness style and I can't guarantee it will make sense.

Thing is, I'm having a really difficult time finding balance in my life lately. Things that used to be manageable like a 1-hour commute and housework and running are starting to become ridiculously irritating as I pull off 14-hour days at work. I'm forgetting how to juggle. Balls are getting dropped everywhere. My husband thinks I'm a stranger. I haven't picked up the dry cleaning that was ready two weeks ago. Shit. I spend all night tossing and turning with a zillion thoughts and 'to do' tasks spinning through my mind. I'm not doing the things that make me happy. I don't understand why I can't make these things a priority. I read about people going out for a run at 10pm and I can't imagine myself doing such things. Not when I get home at 8pm (if I'm lucky!) and I have a 5am wake-up call on the horizon and haven't even thought about what I'm going to eat or wear the next day and I have a 40th anniversary party to plan and the dog hasn't been out for a walk yet. I really need to learn how to delegate. Hubs has been helping out with making meals and stuff, but it's shit food (chicken fingers!? KD, really!?!) but how can I criticize when he's trying to help?? I've been drinking 5 coffees a day. I've been stopping at the drive thru on the way home. That's what happens when you haven't eaten anything all frickin day. I've gained 5 pounds in the last 2 weeks. I'm struggling. I need help. I'm not good at asking for help. I feel I don't even have time to make a plan for myself to get back on track. And I don't even have kids!! Crap. How the hell do working moms ever fit it all in...well, they probably don't work 70-hours a week. I should really get a housekeeper. FUck.


  1. OK some suggestions:

    If you are making a lot of money because you are working so much then maybe you can afford a maid to come over once a week and clean so that would free some of your time. Ask hubs to help maybe in a different way like by doing laundry or dishes (something the maid wouldnt' be doing) so that way you can make food. Try to use Sunday to get a jump start on meals by cooking a bunch of stuff that you can freeze so that you can heat and eat them throughout the week. Maybe these things will help? And then remember this...when you exercise and work toward getting healthy that makes you feel better all around and less stressed which might help with your work stress. It may seem like it is taking time away from other tasks that you could be doing, but your mind will be less focused on how far you have fallen off track and can get back to focusing on work when you need to. Hope this helps my friend! **hugs**

    <3 Katie

  2. Rae, sorry to see your struggle! It's hard to know why you're working so long. Maybe it's unavoidable, but when I work those kinds of hours, it's at least in part due to my own contributions. You mentioned one possibility in regard to delegating. Are you doing work others should do and you need to have difficult conversations? My biggest wondering is if you have a personal productivity system. There are a lot out there. I like David Allen's Getting Things Done. Things like having a functional filing system, touching paper once, keeping a functional to do list, managing projects, etc. I know the last thing you probably need is to read another book, but I'm hoping you have some background knowledge you could employ. Good luck. Things will get better - they always do when things seem difficult.

  3. I have nothing constructive to add...but maybe own personal sucking will make you feel better.
    I have kids, no job, and my house is never cleaned until Sunday. Even today I am sitting in filth all around my bed as I lie here not caring. Don't sweat the small shit, it really doesn't matter. I would put working out in front of other things because it makes me feel amazing; when I walk into my hovel of a house I have the ability to see past it with a smile on my face. Sunday is my house work and laundry day. You don't want to be around me on Sunday because I'm such a bitch but I work hard on just house shit on then start Monday off fresh.
    I don't know if you have any day that you can dedicate and if you don't have kids then maybe you don't need a whole day so a few hours might suffice.
    Don't sweat it, spring is coming and things always SUCK the worst in February. March will be better.
    It'll get better.

  4. I can feel your pain. Sometimes life truly just gets out of control and it sucks when you feel like nothing you can do brings it back into control again. Just remember that things like this don't last forever. Hopefully you can see a light at the end of the tunnel with your job situation - and that will settle down soon. Just remember, and I know it's hard - take some time for yourself to clear your head - maybe that's while running. I tend to work out alot of stuff in my head while running. Hope it gets better soon....really do! I've been there.

  5. I had a couple of years like this and it was not fun. I had to make a change and for me that was a new job. I wish you the best as you work through this busy time!

  6. I think you took a great first step by acknowledging it and spewing it all out here. Chip away at it a piece at a time. Hugs girl.

  7. Hey Rae,

    No worries, just a phase. I don't know what kind o work you do but 14 hrs is tooooo much for anybody.

    Couple o suggestions.....

    When you get a chance to cook, cook for 8 people and freeze the leftovers. Then just a matter of pulling stuff out of the freezer when you leave in the morning.

    Hit bulk barn and get some trail mix or nuts you can put in the wheels for emergency chow. that'l hold you till home and keep you away from the drive throughs.

    Make your lunch with a whole bunch of little snacks....not one big meal.

    Other than that, I sympathize. The Boss works shift work and takes as many call ins as she can because she is part time. I just try to pick-up the slack...and yes, we are contemplating a housekeeper too once in awhile.

    As the old saying goes, if you can solve the problem with money, it's not a problem. Hang in there, spring is coming!!!!!!

    And hey, rant away if it helps....

  8. Make you a priority when you are off work, I know that is hard but seriously-- stress isnt worth it!! Believe me....

  9. Look at Shawn throw out some great advice. Way to bring it Canada. I am always amazed by so many bloggers with full time jobs, and kids, and spouses, and, and, and. I don't know how they do it either.

    I am single and have my kid 50% of the time so while I cannot relate, per se, I can sure empathise.

    Wait, first I want to acknowledge your honesty.

    The only lame advice I can think of is to carve out 90 minutes 2-3 days/week and run at lunch. I run every tues/thurs. I am lucky cuz my company has a gym/showers.

    Anyway, hang in there. You'll find the solution.

  10. I agree with Shawn about batch food production...I do the same thing.

    I find that when work is stressful, eating healthy and exercising keep me sane...I'd do anything to make that happen.

    I'll admit I don't know how you can squeeze out the time with a 70 hr work week..delegating more at work and home is a Really Good Idea.

    Also triage..take the to-do list and prioritize ruthlessly..maybe not worry about dry cleaning things right now? Figure out what's really important and what isn't. (e.g. clean house not important right now)

    Can you get some work done from home?

    Can you work part of the day on Saturday or Sunday and thereby keep the hours-per-day a bit lower?

    How long are the 70 hour work weeks going to going on?

    Hang in there....yes, you will figure it out.

  11. I totally understand where you're coming from right now. I'm not working 70 hour work weeks, but I'm dealing with 35 hour work weeks (and, as a part-time employee...that's a lot), plus school (which midterms and papers due this week). On top of it, I've been dealing with a TON of roommate drama, which means finding a new place to live (which I don't have time to go check out any of the apartments).

    It can all be stressful. Hopefully things play out for us both & everything will calm down.

    One of my favorite quotes will always hold true in a situation like this, "Everything is okay in the end. If it's not okay, then it's not the end."


  12. Rae- Sorry things are so wild for you lately! That is how my summers are in the library world...and it is insane! Just keep putting one foot in front of the other, and remember things will slow down eventually!

  13. Oh Miss Rae! I can identify! It's been crazy with my work lately too, and it's so easy to look at your life and as WTF?!

    First, Shawn's right. It's always a phase. This, too, shall pass.

    But I'm with Paul. You need to take a breath and prioritize. Our culture if full of shit--you CAN'T do it all. Me? Laundry doesn't get done until I absolutely need underwear (and even then it just sits on the floor). My cat's litter box gets cleaned, but I'm not vaccuming because I don't have time. Pick the things that are the most important to your daily function and only do those. Sometimes, some seasons in life are just about surviving not thriving.

  14. I was lucky to be a Season 3 contestant on, and it really helped me out of my rut and started a life change. Season 4 will start soon~would that possibly be a motivator for you?

  15. Hey Rae, hang in there. As a dental student with a work week in the 60-90 hour range (depending on the time of year) and 2 kids, I have definitely learned to streamline and delegate. Here's my advice:
    If you can afford it, hire a cleaner. Meal plan, and plan in leftovers. Keep it simple and use your slow cooker often. Pick recipes your husband can put together. Use frozen and pre-packaged veggies. Yes, it can be more expensive, but I think it's worth it. If you want some tried and true recipes, let me know and I'll pass some along. Schedule in your workouts and consider increasing their intensity but decreasing their length, if that's an option. Can you hire a university or high school student to run the crappy errands like picking up the dry-cleaning, doing laundry, chopping veggies, etc.?

    Also, know that even though I get a lot done, I don't really feel like I have my sh*t together. Most days I feel like I'm hanging on by my fingernails. My husband and I are okay, but sometimes it feels like we're roommates more than life partners these days, especially since he just started a new job that has him out of town 2-3 days per week. I miss a lot of my kids' stuff and I feel bad about it and we rely heavily on babysitters right now. I'm down to working out maybe 2 days a week. I keep telling myself that it'll all be done in a year when I graduate, but I am tired and unhappy right now and it's not fun. I've been sick for the past week and while being sick sucked, it was almost a relief to just be able to slow down for a few days. At least know that you aren't alone.

  16. I'm late to reading this post and it sounds like you are heading in a good direction, but I just wanted to let you know that I sympathize and have some similar struggles. Self-examination is a great start. Some things can be changed, others we just have to endure. Good for you, for looking inside, venting a bit and moving onward.